Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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