just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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