Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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