I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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