some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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