he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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