I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
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We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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