Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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