fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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