happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just forgot I was standing up.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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