When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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