I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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