Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls should come with a carfax report
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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