dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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