ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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