I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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