Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
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At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
there is glitter all over my balls
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