never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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