i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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