update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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