but the lizard people decide everything anyway
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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