dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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