dude i'm inner monologue high
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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