i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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