Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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