I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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