The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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