dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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