im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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