Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize