Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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