i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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