Me. At least after what I've been through.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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