im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
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I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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