Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
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It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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