Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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