Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In other news, I just burned my penis
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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