i just google imaged poop.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
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NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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