Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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