I puked a lego.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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