i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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