and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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