when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize