An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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