Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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