Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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