haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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