this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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