My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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