Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize